Steps to awakening-Part 3
What is the Ego?
We think that we have an idea about who we are, but once we really start to look inside, we find that there is nothing much there at all.
Just a few thoughts and feelings which keep changing. There may be the idea of an ‘ego’ or sense of self which is much talked about in Yoga. Can you find your ego though?
Conceptually, your identities describe your ego. The ego is the ‘I’ thought; that something is ‘mine’. This comes from the sense of being a small, separate self that feels alone and apart from everything else (avidyā). It feels so alien and threatened by the world that it must keep defending itself. It does this by controlling, competing with, owning, adding to, avoiding and identifying with ideas and opinions, because this helps to make it feel a bit bigger and safer.
Our ego is fearful for much of the time. It needs attention and it likes to feel that it is ‘right’ or even ‘superior’. How we deal with criticism shows us how powerful our ego is. For example, if you strongly identify with your job and it describes who you think that you are; if someone then accuses you of not being very good at what you do, you may feel threatened or distressed.
This is because there is an attack upon the conceptual ‘idea’ that you have of yourself. Even if you are a yoga or spiritual teacher, you risk identifying with this concept of yourself. Or if someone disagrees with your political opinion and you consequently get angry or have to defend your point of view or even feel anxious – this is the ego. In modern society, we are all trying to be a something.
But to be nothing - to be free of any binding identification is what we are all actually trying to come home to.
The Ego and Fear
Because the ego is fearful of change it is always on the look-out, seeing how it can defend itself. The ego wants to ‘know’ what is going on so that it can take some kind of control - even though this is impossible.
The fact is, life is a great mystery, and we don’t actually know what will happen, even in the next minute. But to an ego this is terrifying, which is why it likes to shore itself up with ‘adding’ something new all the time such as activities, relationships or distraction including TV or shopping.
The ego loves drama and struggle - that is what makes it feel alive. Powerful dislikes and likes, strong opinions or obsessive thinking are always a clue that thoughts have got sticky and have identified with and contracted around an idea. These are all actions of the ego. This helps to reinforce the idea of ‘me,’ strengthening the small, separate self, which thinks it is apart from everybody else in the world.